These Things We Regret
by dstarlight
Summary: We all have regrets. Hers was that she left. His was that he didn't follow. Sure, there's bitterness, there's pain, but in the end there's hope too. Olicity.
1. Prologue

**A/N** So here's something a little different. I'm still fleshing things out with this story so this is just a short introduction to see how things go. Whether it's any good I'll let you to be the judges of that ;) Also, not everything is going to be explained right away. There are loads of components that need to come together and that's going to take time, so please bear with me.

**Disclaimer** CW's playhouse I'm just borrowing their stars.

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**These Things We Regret  
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_"Maybe all one can do is hope to end up with the right regrets." - Arthur Miller_

_Prologue _

It was eerily quiet; the black clouds that were quickly approaching gave Felicity the most severe sense of foreboding. You could feel the very winds change and as she looked out onto the choppy waters she felt her heart jolt. The many surfers that frequented the island of Hachijō-jima could not be seen; they had packed up and made a hasty exit as soon as the waves became too treacherous, the challenge not worth the cost. Only a few minutes ago the sun was out in full force, the humid air pleasant against the skin; exactly what you would expect for this the time of year._ Something was wrong_. Distantly Felicity thought she heard the distinct sound of a helicopter, but against the rushing wind it was too difficult to make out. It seemed late in the day for air travel though, making Felicity brush the thought aside.

"Felicity-san!"

Turning Felicity watched as Ami made her way across the rugged terrain. The movements impressive for a woman of sixty five, weary from a life of hard work and constant struggle. For Felicity she was a gem of a find. Ami Ito and her husband Ken had been just the family Felicity had needed; with no children of their own they had welcomed the blonde with open arms and generous hearts. They had made a trying time that much easier, a time of tears even more bearable.

Ami was panting when she reached Felicity. Her aging face etched with worry, the greying of her midnight hair falling chaotically from its tightknit bun. Seeing Ami's appearance so dishevelled, so unlike her made the uneasy sensation from earlier come slivering back. Felicity knew that something wasn't right. Her gut told her not to ignore the signs; she'd not worked for three years as The Arrow's tech support and partner to not learn when to trust your instincts and when to get the hell out of dodge.

_Oh god….._

Felicity gripped Ami's shoulders tight, her fingers digging into the tiny women's shoulders. Too shaken to think about the discomfort she must be causing. Nothing registering but a staggering fear coupled with an ardent hope that what she knew to be true was wrong.…

Felicity could barely choke out Ami's name, her eyes willing the other women to put her fears to rest. Lie to her if need be. Lie, or let the lie be truth.

"_Ami."_

"We can't find him, he is nowhere."

Felicity refused to let the dread that was currently engulfing her render her completely incompetent, she needed to stay calm, but that did not stop her from taking out her anxiety on the nearest person available. "How can you lose a six year old boy?! How is that possible?" Without thought Felicity shook Ami. "There's nowhere for him to go!" Her voice was hoarse as she screamed the last line, her body starting when hands slowly turned her round. Ken stood there, his dark eyes kind but displaying the same sadness as Ami's.

"He's just out in the freesia fields' right, Ken, or he's at Yuuta's, have you checked with Yuuta's family? Check with Yuuta's family. You know he sometimes wonders off, I've told him over and over he can't wonder off. I keep telling him!" Felicity knew she was beyond hysterical but at this point she didn't care. Her whole life was splintering, cracking into shards around her.

"Felicity-San, he is not on the island. There is no need to look because we found this. It is addressed to you." A weathered hand held out a simple slip of paper. So inconspicuous. So unassuming compared to the words that were written there, they tore her in two and refused to give the answer that would help her put herself back together again.

Felicity couldn't stop her knees from buckling beneath her; the only thing keeping her from falling was Ken's strength. The light sniffle's coming from Ami was all the noise she could hear. It was a nightmare, an awful dream that she desperately wanted to wake up from. Her little boy, her Watashi no Oujisama…..

"_Connor. Oh god, Connor."_

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**_A/N _**Told you it was short, I'll be working on the next chap over the next few days so hopefully it'll be up by the weekend. To get a feel for the tone of this I'd listen to Jodie's Suite from the Beyond Two Souls OST. Beautiful piece of music!


	2. Chapter One

"_Sadness is always the legacy of the past; regrets are pains of the memory." - Unknown_

_Chapter One_

Staring down at the golden liquid Felicity knew it was pointless to protest, pointless to argue that the drink always reminded her of men with their pipes and slippers, tortured billionaires with their scars and a multitude of issues that would take a lifetime of therapy to sift through.

"I don't drink bourbon."

"You do tonight."

That matter fact tone used to grate on her nerves. After she spotted the false façade for what it was, the playboy image a shrewd tool to be utilised, she'd come to realise it was just his way. Bruce Wayne never failed to tell it exactly how it is. He told her the absolute reality even when he knew she would hate him for it.

Setting the glass down Felicity went back to her earlier pacing. Uncaring that everything she did was being observed by a man who was far too perceptive for his own good. He analysed every detail and acted accordingly. "I need to keep a clear head." Her body couldn't seem to stay still. The flight from Tokyo had been unbearable, sitting still for all those hours thinking about every terrible thing she'd seen since she found Oliver Queen in the backseat of her car. Knowing what was out there and what it could cost. It was no place for a little boy. _Her little boy_. Her nerves were frayed before the inflight movie had even begun. Any sudden movement or sound had her on edge. Time was literally working against her and she couldn't even stand up and scream.

_That wasn't who Felicity Smoak was. _

_That wasn't who Connor needed. _

She needed to stay strong for him; she needed to face her past.

"No, what you're going to do is down that, forget about the taste and then retire to one of the many guest rooms on hand."

Clenching her fists Felicity shook her head. "I don't need to sleep right now, Bruce. I'm perfectly coherent," Felicity started to tick off her fingers one by one. "I'm able, lucid, alert, and capable. Take your pick, I'm fine."

The Look Bruce sent her was enough to have her rethinking this whole decision. You could never placate Bruce Wayne; he wasn't the kind of man who bought it. He didn't accept half-truths, she should have considered that.

"Felicity, don't insult both our intelligence. You're not fine. You've just had your son taken from you; from a place you always thought you'd be safe. So go upstairs and get some rest. There's nothing you can do right now."

Felicity barked out a laugh, it startling her in its randomness. "And that's just it isn't it, there's nothing I can do. Never mind the fact that I now have to face the one man who can render me into a babbling fool, more so than normal but add to that I am utterly stripped bare, but let's make this all so much harder by…" she trailed off, her eyes tearing. Felicity had to turn away; the last person she ever wanted to see her like this was Bruce. He may have been her friend and somewhat boss, but there was no way she was going to let him see her cry. Felicity was thankful for Bruce's silence. It gave her a chance to sort through all the disorder that was running through in her head.

How was she going to do this?

"The last time I saw him he looked right through me, as if seeing me caused him physical pain. Once he learned that, stupid, irrelevant fact, I knew things would never be the same again, and I was right." She didn't know she'd whispered the words until they were out there, forcing her to think back to the time that nearly destroyed her.

"You're going to Starling City?"

Felicity was a little surpirised by the disapproval in Bruce's voice. The next step of action was clear in her eyes; it was the logical thing to do. With what he did Bruce should know what had to be done.

"Where else would I be going?"

Bruce took a step back, his eyes flicking to the fireplace seemingly entranced by the flames, but Felicity knew better he was stalling. When Bruce was quiet it was either a very good thing (his intelligence was actually on par with her own, something that hadn't really shocked her that much) or it was a very bad thing, his mind was an intricate thing it could go either way.

"Do you think that's the wisest decision to make?"

"You read the letter, Bruce." Felicity was getting beyond frustrated. Bruce was meant to be helping her, not making it more difficult. If she was honest with herself she had no idea how she was going to get through all this. And even though it made absolutely no sense there was only one person she wanted by her side right now. She knew he might hate her but she wanted him regardless. _Wow, six years later and nothing had really changed at all._

"I did, which makes me question how this is all being played out. Let me do what I do best, once Dick gets back they'll be more players on the board."

Momentarily distracted Felicity thought back to the few times she's met Dick Grayson. He was young, impulsive and eager to learn. Everything Bruce said he didn't have the time for. "How's that working for you?"

Bruce scowled into the fireplace. "He never listens."

Felicity wanted to wring a few necks right about now, memories making her remember things she'd tried so hard to bury. "What is it with you heroes, is there a handbook somewhere that says reach step five, protégé now required."

Walking over to her full glass she downed it, the tang sharp on her tongue. "I'm going to Starling City tomorrow morning." There was no room for argument. He had no say in this, even if it was his jet she was commandeering.

Clearing his throat Bruce could do nothing but bow his head. "Then I'm coming with you."

"No you're not. Lucius already has a meeting at Queen Consolidated; he'll be with me during the journey and afterwards if need be. I need to do this alone."

Sighing Bruce stared at the women who had crashed into his life and turned it on its heel. He could genuinely say that she had become a most trusted confidant, someone he could bounce a multitude of ideas off. Alfred and Lucius adored her and that was top praise in his book. He'd help her in any way he could, which was why he didn't like the thought of her doing this solo; especially with the bombshell she was about to unleash on Starling City's hooded hero.

"I know I can't talk you out of this, so just be careful and remember I'm at the end of a phone anytime you need me." He shot her a smirk. "I am nocturnal after all, no trouble."

Felicity took a breath, her body relaxing slightly at his words. "Thanks, Bruce." With a tiny smile she walked away, hoping that once her head hit the pillow her sleep would be dreamless, empty of everything she now feared.

Black eyes watched the retreating figure, his mind strategizing as it always was. He thought back to the slip of paper Felicity had shown him, hands relentlessly shaking while doing so.

The words were a cruel attempt to rattle her, to take away control. Disrupt the life she had built for herself. They were the beginning of whatever end the sender had planned. Everything comes full circle. Unfortunately for Felicity that was happening far too soon.

_The father will lead the way to the son._

Yes, someone was playing a very dangerous game indeed.

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**A/N **Thanks to all of you who are following this story and also those who have added it to their favourites! Music suggestion for this is Loss and regrets by Blake Neely.


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